The past few days there have been certain words floating around in my head. Perfection, promises, effort and disappointment, to name a few. I’ve been thinking about these words a lot and what they mean to my life right now. But before I get into that, let me tell you a little bit about what’s been going on in the ‘World of Sarah’.
For those of you that have noticed, I’ve been quite absent from the blogging and Instagram scene. If you’ve wondered why, my explanation has a lot to do with the saying “life happens”. While I was in university, I was searching for something that made me happy and fulfilled my creative desires. I was in need of a distraction from the essays and presentations and that’s where I stumbled upon blogging. I found myself immersed in the world of writing and sharing and I loved everything about it. I genuinely thought that once I graduated, I was going to go full-time with my blog. I couldn’t wait to dive deeper into social issues and share personal stories. I had an image of what my life was going to look like. But life is funny and it doesn’t always go according to plan.
With that being said, I graduated university and got a full-time job almost immediately. I was extremely thankful and felt so blessed because I got hired at a place I admire, doing something I really love. Everything was almost perfect. Except I pushed aside one of my true passions. I completely swept my blog under the rug because I got tired. I know it sounds like a cop-out answer, but it’s the truth. By the time I got home from working a full day, I was drained (I’ll talk about my job in another post & why it’s so draining BUT still amazing). The last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a screen and think about inspirational things to say when that’s basically what I do all day. Needless to say, I became lazy and complacent.
There were so many times where I told myself I was going to get back into blogging but I never followed through. There was always something more important that had to be done. I was spitting out excuses left, right and centre to make myself feel like my feelings were validated. While there were people in my life telling me to get back into writing, it was me that I had to convince. It was me that I had let down. Something that I’ve learned from my blogging journey is that it can get very lonely. It consists of me sitting on one side of the computer writing what I feel like and hoping that the person on the other side enjoys what they read. While compliments come from here and there, it’s a one-woman job. And to be completely honest, that scared me.
A huge reason I procrastinated going back was because I wasn’t consistent with uploading blog posts. I thought that to have a good blog I had to post every single week. But I realized that as long as I still gave it my all, it didn’t matter if I posted once a year – as long as I was as passionate as when I first started. So at this moment, I’ve promised myself not to get down if I don’t write constantly because life is full of lulls and we can’t control that. Another part of why I had such trouble getting back into it was because I questioned why I was doing it in the first place. Were people reading my posts? Did they appreciate the effort I was putting into it? Do they enjoy the topics I’m posting about? Countless doubtful questions swarmed my mind and I wasn’t ready to go back.
But at the end of the day, I missed it. I’ve always been passionate about writing and I loved the versatility that my blog gave me. It felt so great writing about self-esteem one day and relationships the next. I was in control of what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it and I knew for sure that this was not something I was ready to give up forever. Smilingwithsarah has become a part of me and has taught me things nobody else could.
This journey has taught me the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves and how we crave perfection. We make promises to ourselves and others that aren’t always possible to keep. Everything takes hard work, time and effort. Sometimes we may be plagued with disappointment by the fault of ourselves and our actions. But life wouldn’t be a journey if we didn’t have ups and downs that taught us lessons that help us grow.
Here’s to moving forward by forgiving ourselves for the times we let ourselves down but to always remember to live life fully, not perfectly.